The factual of me being so busy in this first starting of the year is because of my apple time that has been reserved for studies. EBS coursework is killing me cause i don't have ample time to do my brouchure collections cause my timetable is so tight with school. Schedule has been a terrible plight as it was always the timing that got me reached back home late and after that get me feeling so fatigue. It has been very hectic, yes it is. You can't imagine how rushing it is to be home late then do homeworks and to revise all the cognition you have gone through in school in order not to forget the process of a something & etc. To be frank, I'm no perspicacious student who can understand everything in one day, who can absorb my studies even if i revised it over & over again. I'm quite a slow learner & I'm trying to pick up slowly. At least efforts are put in & thanks to the person who have been giving me all the support all this while. [I'm not sure if you want your name to be appeared, but i'll keep it as it is for now.] Enough about studies, they are in a bit of shamble quite for the moment.. Can't help it.

Secondly, i know i didn't start with any firsts. Just take the studies part as the first and this will be the following one. I'm ought to say this, that friends do make you cry in times of gaiety and gloom. Good friends are meant to go separate ways one day, i wished that wouldn't happen to neither of my friendships. Have you ever heard of a quote that says, " Don't share alot of things with your bestfriend cause it may turn out to be your enemy & when the truth is out, your enemy is actually your bestest friend.." I was jolt when i heard that. Well, some people really am a pessimist, they are always asking for it. Sigh, its been years of friendship & finally, you chose this year to show me your beautiful colours of feathers. I couldn't ask for more, but just wear a mask to show you that I am happy being a friend to you. I am feeling so helpless, always being pushed away.. so far from where we use to stand tall together. So many good things would have happened if you didn't change & just remain to be who you were.. I wish you were somebody real, somebody whom i know since the first.. Maybe wishes are wishes, they are not meant to be fulfilled..

Thirdly, I would love to thank Irin in this very limited moment for being so kind & understanding in state of my busy-ness that we couldn't have outings for this few weeks all to the content that I'm facing the fact that I am busy, once again. Yeah, but promises are promises. We'll meet again soon, i mean it. Takecare earthlings, don't take drugs. !RANDOM! And to those who really am bugging me to update, here you go. Credits to you guys for pushing me up to update this deadly blog and also, not to forget to those who have been asking me to re-link/linked them, i have already done that specially for you.. & Happy 18th Birthday Faiz Kdal, eventhough i don't know what Kdal means.. *cheers*

Sorry, this are outdated pictures, but !

...there are more to uplead, but blogger uploader totally svcks, till then !

I can't believe that things around me are changing tremendously. It's like finally i get to accept that everybody change. After i see how much friendships can affect myself, I wouldn't want to make myself like a fool. I don't want to trust words so easily neither do i want to eat those traps. Ahhh, eventhough i may not be trusting this to the fullest, I still hope that "the person" would change, I believe that another fine day, everything would change for "that person" too. And i must say, "that person" would surely hunt me back down. Let's just wait and see..

Sometimes, I am thankful that i still have some friends who i can trust eventhough i have been together with them for years and things still happen. Maybe that's all for a reason. Hmmm, i must say that in 2010, i've got great classmates which would drill my ass off. Always giving me the reason why i should still attend school although they know its gonna be a little shitty for me. Oh well, i assume people have their pwn good and bad days. Hah! Friends come and go, right? But i hope NOT. I have to admit i do speak ill of my friends, who wouldn't? It has always been that atroscious moment that you decided to say those ill words. But deep inside, you don't actually mean it. You just needed somebody to hear you out and the next thing is, you wish you could take those words back.

HAHA, "you wish you could."

Hola ME. 13th-15th January was the level camp.

But we had a 12 hours inspirational talk each of the 3 days instead . Adam Khoo

trainees was superb ; more than a million words that i could ever describe,

but i think it isn't that necessary for me to spurt out those words now , so cut it out.

The talk was a wake up call for me, and especially me, who is especially very

worried bout her studies and especially her maths, cause she has

to especially love that subject, instead of ______ it. Okay, to my

seniors who already went through it, I'm sure majority of you would

love to know if we teared, & obviously we did. The course started at 8am and ended only at 9pm,

more likely 13 hours instead of 12, but 12 hours cause minus by breaks and lunch.

And so,

i can't deny that somebody

is really changing now :( Eversince the holidays last year, everything wasn't the same.

I really feel that there was nothing i could do, but just feeling RED. Today was

supposed to be a surprise, but i guess my surprises are not meant to be able to be

showcased. I am trying to make things go for the better, but instead he/she left me because

he/she thinks that her gf/bf deserves more. I feel so down to have someone who never want to appreciate for the things i did for them and blaaaa yada yadaaa yadaa. I may not want to elaborate things further, but to those who knows who it is, you jolly well will think that i'm disgracing ____ in here, but my intention was not. My intention of pouring this out and sharing because i just felt like a need to. I'm not making him/her sound like a bad person, if i am, i would have elaborated and even revealed the name. Oh well, the only preparation for tomorrow is the right use of today. So, i must make myself useful today and put that aside, stop thinking or it will pull till tomorrow in school. I don't want to give such black face or pull any long face.

And mind you people, maybe sometimes we talk things out of anger and not even realizing

what we said was what we really didn't meant. Take for example, sometimes we speak evil of our own bestfriend, and without realizing, we're also the same kind of humans that make mistakes just like him/her. I am the human who make mistakes, so are you.

My saturday was kinda dull. I had Akim to comfort me the whole afternoon, then i don't know somehow i ended up at my workplace later on. Sigh, but my night was full of fun. Just like what i needed in that early morning, which didn't happened. Irin came over my crib and gave me listening ears. I live in a world of complicated world. A world of people blinded by good things. By opportunity comes in only once. Don't take it for granted or it will lose out forever and never come back.

Oh yeah, it just take some time to realise my own mistakes.
I can't deny that we're all living in a world of egoness. Some might be wrapped
so tight around you or either just a loose ego. Mine was different, mine was
it will come as it likes & go when it's done. For now, I just wanna apologise
for my deep-shit moron attitude. I told ya, the problem lies between me.
I know those words were all what i thrown to push myself out of my anger,
i did not have any anger management. But if i'm not wrong, those were what i
exactly had to burst out. Maybe you feel that you don't deserve such big words
like those, but I'm sorry. It's all what i've piled up and i did not even plan to
say what i have to say, it's those words came across and i just shoot it straight.
If you think I'm just being unfair, i just have to tell you that this world is neither
unfair to me. So take those words or leave it.

PHEEWW.
Today marks the third day of 2010 & i can see that everybody's blog is
so busy about this two-o-one-o. Guess you guys must be happy to have
come to another year and i bet resolutions must have got a new name by now.
Wow, time pass so fast. Tomorow is th start of lessons. So students, get our hands
back to work! How fast, school just svcks. This year might just be another
crucial year, scarrrry marryy {!!} hahaha. Well, i'm not yet prepared for
N level and I'm not yet prepared to put my brains yet to work. God dammit!
And oh yea, i quitted my job already, it's kinda a sad thing that i won't be working
with my sick-in-the-ass colleagues again, but hey, i guess life have to move on.
Hahahaa, my end of 2009 was spent good. Mostly with my girlfriend Irin, less
with Wanie cause she went MIA for quite sometime as she is busy {???}
Nevermind, Nevermind.
Since school is starting, Wanie shall be who i meet everyday.
Hah, i don't want to spent my 2010 in such disaster anymore.
Guess what? I tried to stay a stick through this all, life was more than pretty awesome
cause I had freedom. I have yet to meet some people in the pass years, but
guess they are just too busy. It's okay, Sherra & WenChieh you're one of them{!!} I can see
that you're having a good life, good one {winks} You two still owe me a date okay.
I'll be waitingggg. Heee :D And last few days of 2009, i gotta meet
Siti {!!} I hope she is happy when she was with us [irin&me]
That day was the day where we finally felt like it was a
reunion, we did some shopping till drop and broke. Felt like crazy and first of two-o-one-o
i spent it with only my dearest Irin at her crib. She rent some CDs .
I felt so bad cause i haven't got her
anything yet on that day due to the bank as close. WHAT A BAD FRIEND can i be.
But nevermind, told her i will make it up to her. Not that bad friend after all, heee (,")
And 13 more days from today will be Wanie's birthday, 7 more days would be
my brother's and tomorrow would be my dad. ZZUUPP ! Too many January babies i guess.
But exact two months to my birthday :D weeee.

Okay, enough.
I think that's about it. I need to get my hair done, it's still not yet black.
Pictures refer to Irin's blog :) I don't have them with me, sorry peoplee.

*points middle finga*

Dear all,

Have you ever think how much happiness you can share with so many people yet

unknowingly you're sucha sad person inside ? I realize i am living in a shell where

i just have to hide my feelings inside. Ugh, i hate it. My blog keeps telling you people

bout feelings. Correct? Cause i keep repeating it. I don't know, i somehow will realize

things slowly & when i realizes something about the past, I know i can do it better

in the future. Maybe my happiness is sealed with the people around me, they see it

all. Why are there even ungrateful people who don't appreciate things others do for

them. Why are they blinded by good things ? Because the answer is god made us

imperfectly ? Well, it's up to you how you wanna bring yourself up. Characteristic shows

it all. You somehow need to let your ego off.